Our Reactive Relationships

Do you continually meet potential partners who are not available emotionally? Did you grow up in a home where there was absolutely no room for emotional expression? Maybe, you couldn’t be too happy or too sad?  If so, you have seek out relationships with lots of drama.  I understand all of these scenarios.  When it came to relationships, I used to dive off the board whether there was water in the pool or not.

When we grow up in stressful situations, our nervous systems are basically stuck on full throttle, ready to react. Our brain stem rules! The result is highly reactive people and highly reactive relationships.  This results in tumultuous relationships that move from one extreme to the other. Also, if dramas are not happening in our external environment, we can create them from our internal imbalanced brain. Reactive responses are distractions in relationships that actually keep us from growing.

If we come from families where there was very little emotion or affection, we may meet people who stir up intense feelings for us and we then believe that this is intimacy.  But if the intense feelings are about betrayal, competition or high drama, this is not intimacy.  Real intimacy is about being real with our feelings and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with another person when it feels safe to do so. Intensity can be a part of a healthy relationship but not when it revolves around secrecy and betrayal.

Healing our limbic brain, allows us to communicate without coming from a reactive state. It allows us to become intimate with ourselves and that intimacy can then be shared with others. When there is a true limbic connection between 2 people, there is potential for a physical, emotional, spiritual and heart connection.  This is where sex and love can come together.  This is the space where real intimacy can bloom.

My book, Attuned, addresses these problems with fun exercises to heal our limbic brain.  No laborious journaling or other assignments required, just fun playful activities to heal our brain.  Do you like singing, dancing, improv or animal communication?  Check out my book, Attuned on Amazon.com

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